so explain again why im purple
no
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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