Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
