So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
