Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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