Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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