This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
