I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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