how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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