Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
