Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Randomize
