update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
