I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
