bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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