I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
