haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
