i wish there were pregnant emoticons
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
