I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
