I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
