Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
