As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
