I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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