made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
