Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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