1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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