I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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