I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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