Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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