you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Small penises have feelings too.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
