is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
