3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
