Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
