I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
