I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
