he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
