You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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