It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
