I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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