Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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