my mouth tastes like poor choices
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
