so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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