i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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