It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
