Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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