THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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