Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
