Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
