oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
