I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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