real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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