I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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