I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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