I need help removing her.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
