He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
two words...techno handjob
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
