I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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