Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
