Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
