i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
