In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
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