Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
