I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My penis needs a shock collar
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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