When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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