Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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